Joined: 28 Jan 2007 Posts: 4341 Location: Michagan
Posted: Thu Nov 06, 2008 12:15 am Post subject: Sin-Eater
So ive been working on this story for awhile and posted a small part on a few different place, but i like you guys the best so hes what i have so far.
“Before me lies darkness. I turn around to discover that the blackness surrounds me. In a panic I breathe in deeply. I choke instantly as I try and suck down the darkness, now liquefied. I fall to my knees; finger’s digging madly at my throat, trying to rip the blackness from me. I fell its emptiness slide down my throat, into my lungs and gut. I feel it as it chills my blood, running from fingertip to fingertip, from my nose to my toes. At last it goes to my eyes, the black sludge slowly trudging across them. It stops suddenly, forming a tight circle, leaving only my pupils exposed. It slowly stands up from its resting place atop my eyes. In an instant it arches back down, through my pupil’s. I feel it dig into my brain, filling every crevasse as it goes. I open my mouth wide and scream a wordless scream, then collapse. Dead. And then I awake. Every night. Every day. Every time I close my eyes.
It’s coming father. The end. The end of everything. I can see it. I know it. I feel it. The sludge is my sins. They’ve come back to me and attack my mind at every corner. And I can see it. Sins. I can see people’s sins. The black veins. No one else notices, but I do. I can see people’s sins as the move through their veins. The more blackness that course through their veins, the more atrocities, the more vile sins that monstrous person has done. I think the dreams; I think they are me taking their sins up myself. Taking them so that that person may be accepted by our heavenly father before he comes down to our pitiful planet and wipes us away. Wipes us away for fleeing from his will. From the few simple things that he asked of us. And that’s why I killed them Father. That’s why I saved them.”
Father Costello froze at the last sentence. Them man in the next confession booth was a murderer. He had murdered people because he thinks he’s saving them. He’s insane.
“And as I washed my hands of their sin’s, I spotted someone far worse father. I spotted a man with veins so dark that I don’t know that I can save him. But I have to try father. You’ll thank me father.”
With those final words, the man in the next booth stuck a large cooking knife through the confession booth wall, and into Father Costello. With his holy duty done, and some many more too save, the man pulled his blade free and left the church.
The man quickly walked two blocks from the church and onto Helton Avenue, the dead center of his bustling little town. As he went to cross onto a side street, away from the crowds, he stopped. There were so many people. So many sins. They were swirling and sludgeing up and down through veins and brains and souls. The man slowly shrank to his knees, his hands ran up his long face and he began to rip at his bangs.
“Sins, sinssins. There’s so many. There’s...too many. I can’t…can’t take them all. No. No no not like this. Can’t like this.” His breath had become quick and ragged.
He began to feel it. The emptiness. He slowly pulled his hands away from his hair. The hair came with, his stout black hair now turning to goo, sliding down his hands.
He tilted his head back, and a wordless scream came fourth, with it, the blackness.
“And that’s when I stopped thinking. The darkness consumed me, like it had some many times before. But those were all dreams. Never real. No. No never real. I felt it chill my veins and fill my skull with its black fluid. And I couldn’t breath. I tried sucking oxygen in through nose and mouth but none was available. I tried to claw at my throat, but my hands wouldn’t move. I had lost all contact with them. Soon my feet lost feeling, and the wave slowly continued up the rest of my body. I was dying. I was dying and this time I couldn’t wake up. I soon realized that my body wasn’t numb, no not numb. Gone. No longer there. But I still couldn’t breath. I was a mind but still needed a little thing like oxygen, to stay alive. I struggled. Struggled against it. I was a mind. Just a mind, and yet I doubt that I’ve ever put up that much of a fight, not even with a body. And then I was dead. I think. But I’m alive now. I think. After my little mind ordeal I awoke on an empty street. Well almost empty. The sinners were still there. Well their bodies were.
And that’s when I stood slowly. I don’t know what hit them, and from the looks on their faces, neither did they. There were...are dozens. And as I stood there, as flashing light pulled up behind me. That’s where you came in officer. I believe you know the rest from here.”
The officer stood there. His badge, which read Smith, gleamed in what little light their was. His weapon was drawn, the sight aimed at the suspects left shoulder. A wound capable of bring down any one, yet still treatable.
‘He’s crazy. But did he kill these people, or was he the lucky one.’
“Oh I’m quite sure I’m crazy officer. But what is crazy really? In this day and age, aren’t you the crazy one? Look at your for example. You risk your life every day for a city that cares not for you or your life. Some of them might even kill you. And then theirs the courts. The corrupt and greedy control them. A few of those little green bills and any person can commit any crime and get away with it. If it’s a big enough crime then the person can get famous for it. And that’s why he’s coming. That’s why I’m doing my work. Because we’ve angered him with our stupidity…”
The man started to pace as he spoke. Officer Smith followed him, sight locked ever more onto the suspects left shoulder. And that’s when he saw the faint glimmer from the sleeve of his right arm.
“What’s in your sleeve?” Smith asked
“…Well it was rude of you to interrupt me but I’ll tell you. Its my knife.”
Smith tensed up.
“Drop it. Then slowly place your hands over your head.”
“No can do officer. This is my savior. With out this tool I couldn’t save people. And now I’m afraid I must bid you ado. You see you are pure. Never sinned. Never will. But I must go save the others. Yes the others.”
The man started to walk away.
“FREEZE! TURN AROUND AND PLACE YOUR HANDS ON YOUR HEAD!”
The man completely turned around and waved goodbye. Smith fired.
“The bullet hit me square in the chest. It spun me round but I didn’t fall. I hunched over, covering the hole with my hand. The blackness was pouring from it. My sins were spilling out. I could hear the officers footsteps as he walked too me. But it was too late to be saved. Too late to save him. I held it back as long as I dared. I tried. I really did. But it won. It forced me too face him. We both stood there. Our eyes locked, and I knew that for that instant, he saw my sins. In that instant, it shot out of me. And too him. It pierced his flesh just as his bullet had pierced mine. And then we were one. A single being. Locked together by our sins. With our eyes still locked, I watched the life fade from him. And felt it enter me. His skin turned white, his hair fell out. And then it returned to me. I looked down where the hole should have been, only to find the skin normal. Not even the slightest imperfection. My gaze shifted back to the officer, now with a smoking bullet hole, in the dead center of his chest. I thanked him for his life, then he fell down, never to rise again.
I had to walk for almost five blocks before you showed up. With out you I’d still be walking, and that’s just not fast enough. So thank you.”
The Cab drive turned his head towards the back seat.
“You say something?” He asked politely.
“Ah its nothing. Just continue driving.”
“Ok. But where did you say you were headed?”
“Never said. Haven’t decided. I figure if I pick up the pace, then he will just fond me eventually.”
“And who are you waiting for?”
“No one you would know. He comes from up north.”
“Canada? I’ve been up there. Nice country, but a bit too cold for me.”
“Never said Canada.”
A loud thud shook the car, as if something had landed on the roof.
“My guess is that that would be him…”
“HIM?”
The man in the backseat smiled, then slowly nodded.
And with that, the Taxi cab ripped in two.
The back half, with the man strapped inside, was thrown barreling across the side walk, where it collide with a building.
Slowly, a hooded figure fell from the sky and landed near the rubble.
“Get up Mike, you coward. I know your alive. I can hear your heart.”
“I was wondering when you’d come for me. Took your sweet time too. Did you have to be so rough though? I still have work too do.”
“No. No you don’t.”
And with that, the hooded man tackled Mike into the wall, his hands gripped tightly around his throat.
“His grip was amazing. Being chocked so soon after a decent amount of blood loss, my vision began to fade rather quickly. I kicked and struggled rather valiantly, but I soon realized, that for all my effort, I would die anyways. I reacted, it was more reaction then thought, and brought my knife up, slashing the hooded man in front of me, the front of his robes nearly disintegrated as the blade swooped by.
The man dropped me and stumbled back. I looked at him, to see how much damage I had done. My eyes grew wide as I found out, that he was no man.”
“Surprised? Did ever tell you that angels don’t bleed?”
With one mighty push, he forced his wings through his robes. The span was beautiful. The glimmered slightly gold. Each feather was perfect, not in imperfection in sight.
“Cower at them mortal. Cower at them and repent your sins to me.”
“And with that line, I can only assume that you are Angel Uriel.” I told him.
“You assume right Micheal. But its Archangel Uriel.”
“Ah. Well we all make mistakes. Even angels. For example, the names Mike, not Micheal.”
“I beg to differ, but for the sake of time I will call you Mike.”
“Am I really this short on time? That he is already sending down the likes of you.”
“Poor mortal, you have no concept of time. Your existence on this planet last for a but a few moments, Your entire lives can play out in the blink of an eye. Your movements, your lips forming your words, the sound takes and eternity to reach my ears. Your heartbeat is the fastest thing about you.”
“Maybe you should try dying some time. That way you appreciate that time you have. Now. Why are you here Uriel?”
“For you, my brother. Your actions, your unholy scafrice has brought me here. Jehovah sent me fourth, sent me to claim your soul and return ir too him. I am here to stop your sins. Repent to me Micheal, and may Jehovah have mercy on your soul.”
“AND WHAT DO YOU KNOW OF REPENTANCE! YOU’VE GOT A GET OUT OF HELL FREE CARD, ALL BECAUSE YOU ACT IN HIS NAME! WHAT TYPE OF GOD, LETS HIS CLOSEST MEN COMMIT THE WORST SINS!?”
“And what sins have I done?”
“I know you Uriel. Your Death, the thing that lurks in the shadows. Jehovah didn’t send you down here. You’ve been here since the Savior himself fell. You’ve stalked mankind from birth and when their time comes, you greedily take them from this earth. You’ve been worshiped by many, you’ve been called a Holy Sephiroth. But I know what you really want. You wish to be one of Two. You want to be the ruler of Heaven or Hell. “
“And what makes you think this Micheal? You know only what Jehovah has allowed you mortals to see, and as such you know nothing. Your knowledge is pityful. Just as is your existance. “
”SHUT UP!” I screamed at him. I drew my blade and went at him. He dodged the attack as if I wasn’t moving.
“Is your choice then. Do you really with to battle an Angel?”
I lunged at him again.
“So be it.”
He heled out his right arm, and in a burst of light, the holy sword appeard.
“I am Uriel. The Arch Angel. Gauridan of the Gate. Collecter of Souls. I offered you repentence and you spat in my face. FACE MY WRATH MORTAL!”
In the blink of an eye he changed. His robes tore away, and his holy armor shined through. Holy writing carved into every inch, the armor its self covering every inch of him. He stopped before me, his sword held high above his head, and instantly the sword burst into flames.
“Feel the pain of the Holy Fire.”
“The battle was fast and intense. Ever move I made was countered and sent back to me. I know he was toying with me. I lunged for his throat, and even as I leapt into the air, I knew he wasn’t there. That my brain couldn’t comprehend the speed, in which he was moving, and his image would hold true in my brain until it was too late. I had lashed out at him more times then I could count, but he hadn’t hit me back.
Hope you like it _________________ CowBoy From HEll
Proud Member of The Ultimate Marvels!! [
Joined: 28 Jan 2007 Posts: 4341 Location: Michagan
Posted: Wed Nov 26, 2008 1:14 am Post subject:
I like it though. Me and a friend are making this into a 3 part thing. Hes doing part 2 and then for part 3 we will be jumping back and forth chapter to chapter. _________________ CowBoy From HEll
Proud Member of The Ultimate Marvels!! [
Joined: 11 Aug 2007 Posts: 589 Location: London, England WHOO!
Posted: Mon Dec 01, 2008 5:34 pm Post subject:
Looking back at all these pages there are tons of fanfics that never materialised or got dropped. Plus Cowboy you would out-fanfic us all _________________ PROUD MEMBER OF THE ULTIMATE MARVELS!!!!
Joined: 28 Jan 2007 Posts: 4341 Location: Michagan
Posted: Tue Dec 02, 2008 9:27 pm Post subject:
I dont know. Kevin has some serious technical skill. He edited all of the Ultimate Marvel fanfics that me and him worked on, and really made them shine. And Mike did some epic work. His origin story was really amazing and painted quite the picture of what life before the main story was like.
And you Rocku. You have some off the wall idea's, which off the wall is exactly the type of stuff i like.
Dom's work was epic too. I loved the Outsiders. And I miss Tom's Impervious.
Rob created an entire universe all by himself.
There is truly some amazing work on this site. _________________ CowBoy From HEll
Proud Member of The Ultimate Marvels!! [
Joined: 27 Jan 2007 Posts: 5748 Location: California
Posted: Thu Dec 04, 2008 2:23 am Post subject:
Seriously, every now and then, it's like I get epiphanies 'cept they're actually crazy-ass ideas for fanfics... _________________ Proud Member of The Ultimate Marvels!!
"If we encounter hostiles, silent throat cuts only." -Brick Tamland
Joined: 29 Jan 2007 Posts: 308 Location: Philadelphia, USA
Posted: Thu Dec 04, 2008 5:30 pm Post subject:
Don't Worry Guys I'm still working with Jim just been a slow down because of school and stuff It was going good until about mid semester then i got swamped with school work. Plus Im working 3 nights a week until 10
good stuff though cowboy It's great reading the newer things compared to the old stuff for example my original jim work that I created that was supposed to be for the ultimate universe is just so well i dunno happy go lucky ultimate work compared to my new stuff.
Joined: 11 Aug 2007 Posts: 589 Location: London, England WHOO!
Posted: Thu Dec 04, 2008 7:40 pm Post subject:
Well I've been toying with this idea of a sort of reimagining of Batman. It's slightly darker, but not like crazy Sin City darkness, it's just been, uh, knocked up a notch. And most of the characters have been changed quite a lot. My only concern is that a fan-fic might not be the best form of storytelling for this (the character designs are some of the biggest changes, so a written narrative wouldn't be as effective) _________________ PROUD MEMBER OF THE ULTIMATE MARVELS!!!!
Joined: 11 Aug 2007 Posts: 589 Location: London, England WHOO!
Posted: Sat Dec 06, 2008 6:12 pm Post subject:
K I will start by posting drawings, but I might develop it into writing depending on people's reations.
Here's a quick description of some characters:
The Penguin: In the DC universe he was always kind of lame but now he is truly threatening, an all-powerful crime boss. I ditched the top-hat and monacle but you can expect his gun umbrella to make a lethal appearane.
The Joker: This was a hard one to do, and he went through tons of designs and personalitites. I still haven't completely settled on one yet, but I decided that was OK because that's what the Joker is: Ever-changing and crazy. He's got shorter hair that's kinda floppy at the front - my best example is like Ultimate Peter Parker but green. He wears mascara and trademark lipstick, neater and smarter than the Dark Knight Joker's look, but still kinda boyish and relaxed.
The Riddler: I couldn't get this one right without making him look ridiculous, so I settled with that. He isn't as over the top as movie and TV Riddlers have been, more silent and deadly, a self-absorbed, sadistic genius. I like the freaky glasses I put on him though.
Catwoman: Selina Kyle has a short, black hairdo like Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction and is a bit quiet and depressed, with not many friends and is kind of coming undone. Catwoman however is a free spirit, carefree and seductive. She has killed before and would do it again.
Alfred: Looks a bit like Malcolm MacDowell....
The Scarecrow: Johnathon Crane is a pyschiatrist who is slightly obnoxious but otherwise boring and unnoticable. At night, he experiments with fear and violence on animals or unfortunate human victims as The Scarecrow. His look is pretty much a kind of sack over his head with terrifying designs on it, and a coat like Rorschach's in Watchmen but ragged and torn. Occasionly he wears a large hat too _________________ PROUD MEMBER OF THE ULTIMATE MARVELS!!!!
Joined: 11 Aug 2007 Posts: 589 Location: London, England WHOO!
Posted: Sun Dec 07, 2008 11:21 am Post subject:
That's basically what this reimagining is meant to be about - everything crazy enough to be cool that has ever graced our TVs, books or comics. _________________ PROUD MEMBER OF THE ULTIMATE MARVELS!!!!
Joined: 11 Aug 2007 Posts: 589 Location: London, England WHOO!
Posted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 5:15 pm Post subject:
Okey dokey then. Designs/stories will be up shortly, so watch this space!
However I need some help from one of you. In the hustle and bustle of creating a new Gotham I forgot about an important feature - the Batmobile. I was never all that great at drawing cars and I can't think of a look that would be as cool or realistic as the Batman Begins one. So I was thinking one of you guys could post up a design for it, it would be helpful. _________________ PROUD MEMBER OF THE ULTIMATE MARVELS!!!!
Joined: 28 Jan 2007 Posts: 4341 Location: Michagan
Posted: Fri Dec 12, 2008 2:03 am Post subject:
I Like It Man. I got alot of crazy ideas from it. If you want anything from me towards this, Im there in a heartbeat. _________________ CowBoy From HEll
Proud Member of The Ultimate Marvels!! [
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I just wish I had been around before when all the action was happening
