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UltimateKevin!
Chuck Norris
Joined: 27 Jan 2007
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Location: California
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 Posted: Fri Aug 24, 2007 12:30 am Post subject: Chuck Norris Facts |
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I was wondering when this topic was going to be made... These were the best I could find. If you guys can find any other Chuck Norris Facts then share 'em!
*If it's bold, I teared up laughing at them.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad Chuck Norris has never cried. Ever.
When you open a can of whoop-ass, Chuck Norris jumps out.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.
If you try to introduce your mother to Chuck Norris, she'll introduce you to your biological father.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but if Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's fucking beef.
Chuck Norris once went on Celebrity Jeopardy and answered, "Who is Chuck Norris?" to every question. It was the first and only time in Jeopardy history that a contestant answered every single question right.
At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
Geico saved 15% by switching to Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
Chuck Norris clogs the toilet even when he pisses.
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
The most effective form of suicide known to man is to type "Chuck Norris" into Google and hit "I'm Feeling Lucky!".
Chuck Norris refers to himself in fourth person.
Whenever someone is constipated, doctors send them to Chuck Norris so he can scare the shit out of them.
Chuck Norris was sending an email one day, when he realized that it would be faster to run.
When Chuck Norris laughs too hard while drinking milk, he accidently shits a cow.
One time in an airport a guy accidently called Chuck Norris "Chick Norris". He explained it was an honest mistake and apologized profusely. Chuck accepted his apology and politely signed an autograph. Nine months later, the guy's wife gave birth to a bearded baby. The guy knew exactly what had happened, and blames nobody but himself.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Oxygen requires Chuck Norris to live.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
The phrase "Made by Chuck Norris" is imprinted beneath the surface of China.
Microsoft has released a new Anti-virus removal tool called Chuck Norris. The tool dares the virus to enter the machine.
Chuck Norris always gets blackjack. Even when he's playing poker
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CowBoy From Hell
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| Posted: Fri Aug 24, 2007 12:57 am Post subject: |
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OH MY GOOD I THINK IM GOING TO WET MYSELF!!!! 
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UltimateKevin!
Chuck Norris
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Location: California
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| Posted: Fri Aug 24, 2007 1:00 am Post subject: |
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I was watching Walker, Texas Ranger and remembered his facts from a while back! It's been years since I've read these!
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CowBoy From Hell
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| Posted: Fri Aug 24, 2007 1:06 am Post subject: |
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There so funny. My god.....
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UltimateKevin!
Chuck Norris
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Location: California
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| Posted: Fri Aug 24, 2007 1:08 am Post subject: |
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I'm trying to look for the one where it says something about "Chuck Norris submitting a fact but he didn't believe in submissions" or something like that...
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UltimateKevin!
Chuck Norris
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| Posted: Fri Aug 24, 2007 4:45 am Post subject: |
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I found it!!
Chuck Norris thought up some of the funniest Chuck Norris facts ever, but he hasn't submitted them to the site because he doesn't believe in any form of submission.
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UltimateKevin!
Chuck Norris
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| Posted: Fri Aug 24, 2007 5:37 am Post subject: |
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Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
They say that lightning never strikes the same place twice. Niether does Chuck Norris. He doesn't have to.
Switzerland isn't really neutral. They just haven't figured out what side Chuck Norris is on yet.
In order to survive a nuclear attack, you must remember to stop, drop, and be Chuck Norris.
Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know when Chuck Norris is going to kill you.
Chuck Norris only uses one chopstick.
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.
Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.
If Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass at night.
According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' about.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
Kryptonite has been found to contain trace elements of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks to the face.
How many roundhouse kicks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? Just one from Chuck Norris.
The square root of Chuck Norris is a roundhouse kick to the face.
When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
The reason why drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm was because Chuck Norris needed a back scratcher.
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger. It is actually a list of fatalities that occurred during the making of the episode.
They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be "Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick."
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Before sliced bread, people used to say "Thats the greatest thing since Chuck Norris". But Chuck Norris was displeased by this. So he roundhouse kicked a loaf of bread into slices.
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Comic-Geek-Tom
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| Posted: Fri Aug 24, 2007 11:11 am Post subject: |
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excellent!
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Ultimates_rock25
Ving Rhames
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CowBoy From Hell
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| Posted: Thu Aug 30, 2007 4:25 pm Post subject: |
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I AM SO MAD!!!!! I have opened THREE count em THREE cans of whoop ass! Not the normal size either! THE BIG OL' CANS OF WHOOP ASS!!!! AND NOT ONCE DID CHUCK NORRIS JUMP OUT!!!! NOT ONCE!!!!!!! GOD DAMN!!!! THREE CANS AND NOT ONCE!!!!!! Was a good drink though.
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CowBoy From Hell
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| Posted: Thu Aug 30, 2007 4:32 pm Post subject: |
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Chuck Norris sneezes so hard that hurricanes form.
Chuck Norris once broke his leg. When asked how he was supposed to round house kick some one he stood up and looked them in the eyes. "Im Chuck Norris." Was all he said. The man droped dead where he stood.
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Ultimates_rock25
Ving Rhames
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CowBoy From Hell
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| Posted: Thu Aug 30, 2007 5:01 pm Post subject: |
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Once a man tried to mug Chuck Norris. HE pulled a gun and fired it. The bullet stopped inches before Chuck Norris face. The bullet tunred back to the mugger.
"SCREW THIS!!!" It yelled and took off to mexico to live in hiding.
Three years later the bullet was floating down the street when a man walked up and tapped him on the shoulder. The bullet turned only to be taken out by a fatal round house kick.
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CowBoy From Hell
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| Posted: Thu Aug 30, 2007 8:09 pm Post subject: |
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In japan they have Godzilla. In america we have Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is his own grandfather, father ,uncle, son and great grand child.
Chuck Norris was once in a car accident. He flew through the windsheild and crashed to the ground. A man walked up and said that Chuck Norris was going to die from his injurys. Chck asked him to come closer. The man did. When the man was close enough Chuck Norris round house kicked him and stood up.
Nobody Kills Chuck Norris But Chuck Norris.
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CowBoy From Hell
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| Posted: Thu Aug 30, 2007 8:12 pm Post subject: |
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Most People say that theyd hate to find Chuck Norris down a dark alley
Most Dark Alleys say theyd hate to see Chuck Norris.
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UltimateKevin!
Chuck Norris
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| Posted: Thu Aug 30, 2007 10:25 pm Post subject: |
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| CowBoy From Hell wrote: | | Chuck Norris is his own grandfather, father ,uncle, son and great grand child. |
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CowBoy From Hell
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| Posted: Fri Aug 31, 2007 12:41 am Post subject: |
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ah i liked that one too.
Where did you get yours from kevin?
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UltimateKevin!
Chuck Norris
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| Posted: Fri Aug 31, 2007 1:48 am Post subject: |
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The one that I bookmarked was Chuck Facts
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Ultimates_rock25
Ving Rhames
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CowBoy From Hell
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| Posted: Fri Aug 31, 2007 7:14 pm Post subject: |
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I can never find any new ones.
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